1 00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:09,092 2 00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:52,261 New York City, no matter how well you think you know it, 3 00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:55,639 there's always somewhere or someone new to discover. 4 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:59,393 I was on my second date with Ray King, who lived in Queens, 5 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,895 although it felt like our second, third and fourth date, 6 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,565 because we'd been to three jazz clubs in one night. 7 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,858 I can't sing for shit, but damn, can I chop. 8 00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:09,319 And where does one learn this skill? 9 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,196 -Jersey Shore. -Is that where you're from? 10 00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:14,992 Listen. This lick right here is why I wanted to play the bass. 11 00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,702 12 00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:18,620 Man. 13 00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:20,664 How about that? 14 00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,916 Jesus, that's sweet. 15 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:24,960 Listen to that again. 16 00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:31,258 17 00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:36,805 Yeah. Yeah. 18 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,145 How about that? 19 00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:49,985 This might be a good time to tell you... 20 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,154 I don't like jazz. 21 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,656 22 00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:59,244 Why would you say something like that? 23 00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,705 I don't know, you can't follow it, 24 00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,624 and there's no melody. 25 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,043 And it's just like aaah! It's all over the place. 26 00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:09,379 Carrie, you gotta stop trying to make it be something else, 27 00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:11,757 and appreciate it for what it is. 28 00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,592 Damn, I wish I had my bass. 29 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,804 Come here, you be the bass. 30 00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,849 Don't I have to be in the musician's union or something? 31 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:23,268 -You play all those instruments? 32 00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:27,189 "Play" is a little strong. I learn a few notes, I get bored, I move on. 33 00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:30,025 Listen to the bass. 34 00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:32,819 The beauty of jazz, 35 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,030 is that it can go anywhere. 36 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,616 It can go from here... 37 00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,535 to here... 38 00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,373 -to here... 39 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:50,504 It was right about that time that I started to appreciate 40 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:53,340 a little type of music we call jazz. 41 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,051 42 00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,762 So, what did you do last night? 43 00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:00,847 I listened to jazz. 44 00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:03,725 45 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,061 What is so funny about jazz? 46 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,855 Okay, here it is. 47 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,234 Last night, with Ray, 48 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,820 I had... 49 00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:17,364 50 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:20,409 The most intense orgasm of my entire life. 51 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:24,538 -Oh. -I did my laundry. Continue. 52 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,832 It doesn't make sense, I barely know him. 53 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,458 We've only been on two dates. 54 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,168 And yet you had sex with him. 55 00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:33,213 Can everyone please let Carrie talk about the sex? 56 00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:36,633 The mind-blowing sex. Now, 57 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:40,137 I realize that this next statement, 58 00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:43,181 makes me a bit of a freak, but, um... 59 00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:47,436 I usually have to be in love with someone 60 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:49,521 to have that kind of orgasm. 61 00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,314 You might want to see someone about that. 62 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,900 What the hell is going on? 63 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,485 Maybe Ray is the one. 64 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,487 Your clitoris seems to think so. 65 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,239 Ah, it was probably just a fluke. 66 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:01,366 I'm going back tomorrow to find out. 67 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,785 I, on the other hand, am on strike. 68 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:05,287 What does that mean? 69 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,789 It means I'm not having any more sex. 70 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:10,125 That's not a strike, honey, that's a slump. 71 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:13,879 No, it might have started as a slump, but I'm in control of it now. 72 00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:16,214 I've made the conscious decision not to have sex 73 00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:17,716 until conditions improve. 74 00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:20,010 How many people will be affected by this strike? 75 00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:23,430 Um, so far, just the one, but, uh, I'm optimistic. 76 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:24,723 77 00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:29,186 The thing is, I can't go on any more bad dates. 78 00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:32,272 I would rather be home alone than out with some guy 79 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:34,649 who sells socks on the Internet. 80 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:37,444 Well, I'm dating someone. 81 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,946 Someone I actually like. 82 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,698 -Good. -Wow! 83 00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,033 Maria. 84 00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:49,331 My Maria, from the gallery? 85 00:04:49,498 --> 00:04:51,833 She's my Maria now, we're having a... 86 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:53,585 relationship. 87 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:57,297 Yes, ladies, I'm a lesbian. 88 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,592 Wait a second. 89 00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:04,596 -You're in a relationship? -Yes. Oh. 90 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:06,515 And she just walked in. 91 00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:09,309 Please get those looks off your faces. Maria. 92 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:10,769 93 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,818 -Hello. -You know Charlotte. 94 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:18,985 Sure. 95 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,779 And this is Carrie and Miranda. 96 00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:22,364 -Hi! -It's so nice to meet you. 97 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:25,200 -Good to see you. -I see you told them. 98 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,493 Mm-hm. 99 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,787 -How does that work? - Uh-- 100 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,164 You go to bed, you wake up the next morning 101 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,624 and, poof, you're a lesbian? 102 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,459 I forgot to tell you, I'm a fire hydrant. 103 00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:36,795 Yeah, I'm a shoe. 104 00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:39,881 I always wanted to be one, and, poof, now I am. 105 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:43,009 I don't think she's a lesbian, I think she just ran out of men. 106 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,512 Then you go on strike, you don't eat pussy. 107 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:46,763 Ew. 108 00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:49,891 Did you just say "eat pussy"? 109 00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,185 I did, but just for emphasis. 110 00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:59,109 You know, the truly amazing thing is, I had the news tonight. 111 00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:03,613 -I had the most intense... -"Mind-blowing," I believe was the word. 112 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,407 ...orgasm of my life, 113 00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:08,368 and Samantha still managed to up-sex me. 114 00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:10,412 115 00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:17,502 They met at my gallery. I introduced them. 116 00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,212 Poof, you're a pimp. 117 00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:23,258 Later that night, inspired by Samantha's willingness 118 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,676 to explore new territory, 119 00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:28,096 Charlotte felt it was time to conquer some old territory. 120 00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:29,514 The bed. 121 00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:33,184 Where she and Trey had so much trouble as man and wife. 122 00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:34,436 Here we are. 123 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,438 Yep. 124 00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:40,108 Should we have a glass of wine first? 125 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:43,278 -I'm fine, unless you-- -No, I'm okay. 126 00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:50,869 If you don't feel ready... 127 00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:06,343 Just because she was on strike, didn't mean she had to do without. 128 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:11,723 That's how Miranda discovered the perfect relationship. 129 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,350 Welcome to the show. I'm Jon Stewart... 130 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,186 Jon Stewart and chocolate éclairs. 131 00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:20,732 ...be here today and she is, from what I understand, in love with me. 132 00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:22,817 That night, 133 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:26,488 Charlotte and Trey enjoyed a sweet ending to their evening as well. 134 00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:29,324 Not bad, huh? 135 00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:31,034 136 00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:33,787 It was almost mind-blowing. 137 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,081 Charlotte was relieved. 138 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:39,125 Now that they had fixed their problem in the bedroom, 139 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:42,837 she was ready to move back into the other rooms as well. 140 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,547 So... 141 00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:47,717 what are you thinking? 142 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:52,305 I'm thinking I've never seen my John Thomas so hard. 143 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:57,310 I swear, at times I felt like it was gonna rocket right off. 144 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,022 What were you thinking? 145 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,484 I don't know. Um... 146 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,028 147 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,405 Should I? 148 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,285 Do you? 149 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,958 -Are we ready to-- -Go again? 150 00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,381 Houston, we don't have a problem. 151 00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:31,344 Three, two, one, blastoff! 152 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,179 153 00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,098 154 00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,018 -Who is it? -It's Ray. 155 00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,145 Uh, hi. Uh, come on up. 156 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:41,229 157 00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:42,313 Shit. 158 00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:47,485 Hello? 159 00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:51,865 So did you and the girls run down the street talking about me? 160 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,200 -Maybe. -How many blocks? 161 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,785 Oh... 162 00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:57,996 Two, okay, nine. 163 00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,415 Honestly, I'm a little hurt. 164 00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,292 After all the hours I've spent listening 165 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,461 to you people talk about your relationships. 166 00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:05,712 167 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,088 You do that? 168 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,798 I make the courtesy call. 169 00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:11,342 "Do you think you love him? Blah, blah, blah." 170 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:15,263 Well, you just caught us a little off guard with the lesbian thing. 171 00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:17,807 That's just a label, like Gucci or Versace. 172 00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,142 Or Birkenstock. 173 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,227 This is not about being gay or straight. 174 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,938 Maria is an incredible woman. 175 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,483 She's got passion, and talent, 176 00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:28,568 -intelligence-- -A vagina. 177 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,280 -Vagina schmagina. -"Schmagina"? 178 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,325 Is that what the lesbians are calling it? 179 00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:37,952 For your information, we haven't even had sex yet. 180 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:39,120 Wow. 181 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,122 You really are in a relationship. 182 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,709 I am. Life is not all about sex. 183 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:47,170 Try telling that to her schmagina. 184 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:50,507 I want a bourbon, and I want to go down on you. 185 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,635 Not necessarily in that order. 186 00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:55,303 The truth is, 187 00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:58,348 I really want it to be special the first time. 188 00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:01,309 I'm sure that it will be special. 189 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:02,811 Um... 190 00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:06,439 I'm sure it will be special, because-- 191 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,483 Is Ray there? 192 00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:12,987 No, Samantha, I'm listening. I... Oh, God. I'm listening. 193 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:17,200 The next day, I thought about what Samantha said. 194 00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:20,662 She wasn't having sex because she wanted to have a relationship, 195 00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:24,791 and I was having mind-blowing sex hoping to turn it into a relationship. 196 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,209 So there you have it. 197 00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,378 We've got a relationship without sex, 198 00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,296 and sex without a relationship. 199 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,674 Which had a better shot at survival? 200 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:34,676 I couldn't help but wonder, 201 00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,137 what comes first, the chicken or the sex? 202 00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:41,432 That night I decided to really talk to Ray. 203 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,894 I figured we needed to catch the relationship up to the sex. 204 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,105 Well, that was the plan. 205 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:50,817 Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. 206 00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:54,529 I asked you a question. Where did you go to school? 207 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,322 All over. 208 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,657 209 00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:58,825 Oh. 210 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,870 Freckles on the legs, nothing wrong with that. 211 00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:04,873 It was my best relationship ever. 212 00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:06,040 213 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,544 Meanwhile, over at Casa de Lesbo... 214 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,546 That coq au vin was amazing. 215 00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:15,884 You can paint, you can cook, you can do everything. 216 00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,431 But... 217 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:25,935 you brought the most incredible dessert. 218 00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:28,855 Want a bite? 219 00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:36,946 Samantha decided if she was going to be gay, 220 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,032 she'd be gay all the way. 221 00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:41,784 Mm. 222 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,415 I might not be much in the kitchen, 223 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:51,002 but I'm more than enough in the bedroom. 224 00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,635 225 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,307 Oh, baby. 226 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,892 Samantha. 227 00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,938 It's not really working for me. 228 00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:14,817 It was a phrase Samantha had never heard in bed before. 229 00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:18,738 Honey, I've never gotten any complaints from the men. 230 00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:20,198 231 00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:23,159 Well, men. 232 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:28,539 I want you to look at me. 233 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,418 Connect with me. 234 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:36,923 This is lovemaking. 235 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,217 It's not a porno flick. 236 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:43,388 I want to show you. I'm gonna lay down. 237 00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:46,015 And I want you to look at my boceta. 238 00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:50,687 It's a Portuguese word for "pussy." 239 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:02,532 Meanwhile, Miranda, still off sex and on chocolate, 240 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,994 couldn't bring herself to order the seven éclairs she really wanted. 241 00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:07,912 So she asked for just one. 242 00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:10,665 One cake, please. 243 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:14,085 -Which do you recommend? -I'd go with the Louvre. 244 00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:16,754 Monsieur Pa yard's signature chocolate cake. 245 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:19,215 Wow. Sold. 246 00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:21,884 Okay, that'll be $74.50. 247 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:24,470 As in 74 dollars and 50 cents? 248 00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,014 Yes. 249 00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:29,017 Miranda decided she didn't need a cake that badly, 250 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:35,398 especially when she could make one for under $5. 251 00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:39,319 Every once in a while, a girl has to indulge herself. 252 00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:41,654 253 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:48,453 Oh! 254 00:13:49,704 --> 00:13:50,747 Oh. 255 00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:55,793 Mm. 256 00:13:58,212 --> 00:13:59,422 Oh. 257 00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:03,343 258 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,345 -I'm on the mallard! -Huh? 259 00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:06,763 Sorry. 260 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:19,108 261 00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:59,357 He still hasn't asked me to move back in. 262 00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:02,068 We make love all over the apartment. In the morning, 263 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:05,113 I get in a cab and go home like a Park Avenue hooker! 264 00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:07,365 -Can't you bring it up? -No! 265 00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:10,576 We finally got the penis working, I don't want to scare it. 266 00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,870 Why can't I have the relationship and the sex? 267 00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,997 -Why is it one or the other? -You got me. 268 00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:17,875 I wanna order. Where's the lesbian du jour? 269 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:20,420 Oh, listen, you guys, when she gets here, 270 00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,672 we have to talk about her relationship. 271 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,133 She was mad we didn't take it seriously last time. 272 00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:28,886 Please. She isn't having a relationship, she's just doing this to bug us. 273 00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:31,764 I don't know. They haven't even had sex yet. 274 00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:34,934 She said she wants it to be special. 275 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,310 -Really? -Yeah. 276 00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,730 Well, then we should be supportive. 277 00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:42,024 This is the healthiest thing she's done in ages. 278 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,569 Does anybody want to split the chocolate pudding? 279 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,779 Morning, ladies. 280 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,698 -Morning. -Hi! 281 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:55,204 Tell us about your relationship. How is everything going with Maria? 282 00:15:55,663 --> 00:16:00,001 Well, did you know that when a vagina gets engorged, 283 00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,253 it expands to the size of a fist? 284 00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:04,338 It's like a fabulous cave. 285 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:05,840 I guess they've had sex. 286 00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:08,968 -Apparently so. -And we have three holes down there. 287 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:11,429 Okay, stop talking about your relationship. 288 00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:14,724 But it's fascinating! There are places a dick just can't go. 289 00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:17,185 Some dicks manage just fine. 290 00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,562 Please, Maria has ten dicks. 291 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,981 For the record, you started this. 292 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:23,983 I am sorry, 293 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:27,445 but a finger is not a dick. 294 00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:29,864 A finger is more like a third of a dick. 295 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,825 So technically, Maria only has three and a third dicks. 296 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,620 I can tell you right now, this... 297 00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:39,790 is not the same as this. 298 00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:41,918 Okay, put that away. 299 00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:45,379 I'm just saying, size has nothing to do with it. 300 00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:47,590 What's happening to you? 301 00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,800 I'm getting an education. 302 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:52,553 Not only do I now know everything there is to know 303 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,597 about the glorious boceta... 304 00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:56,390 That's Portuguese for "pussy." 305 00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:59,101 "Boceta, schmagina, let's call the whole thing off." 306 00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:01,020 The most important thing, 307 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:04,774 is that Maria has taught me how to connect during sex. 308 00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:07,026 It's not just some animal act. 309 00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:11,405 It's about two people making love. 310 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,242 Yeah. 311 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,620 Yeah. 312 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,039 313 00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,124 -Hey. -Hi. 314 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:25,002 I couldn't pick a shirt. Red, blue, I didn't know. 315 00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:27,213 Come on in, I'm making margaritas. 316 00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:30,174 Hey. Look what I bought today. 317 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:34,845 -My first jazz CD. -No. 318 00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:38,724 No. You gotta hear that on vinyl. 319 00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:42,311 Wait, Ray. 320 00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:44,105 Ray, Ray. 321 00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:47,775 Ray! Stop. Don't play anything. 322 00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:51,654 Don't scat, don't chop, don't blend. 323 00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:52,822 Could we... 324 00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:55,283 Could we just sit and talk for a while? 325 00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:58,786 Oh, the "gotta talk" girl, gotta talk. 326 00:17:58,953 --> 00:18:01,205 "What are you thinking? Where is this going?" 327 00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:03,374 I'm not that girl. 328 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,168 I'm not any girl, I just want to talk. 329 00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,213 You know, talk. 330 00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:12,633 Like, where are you from? 331 00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,677 You said something about the Jersey Shore. 332 00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:17,054 I spent a couple summers there. 333 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,056 Worked on the boardwalk. 334 00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:21,058 There was a skeet shooting place I went to. 335 00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:23,811 -On the Jersey Shore? -Upstate New York, college. 336 00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,563 And, pull! 337 00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:28,899 Man, why no skeet in the city? I love the skeet. 338 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,694 I should open one in New York. Maybe sell a club. 339 00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:34,322 When was the last time you had canned corn? 340 00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,741 That sounds good right now. You hungry? 341 00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:39,285 -No, because remember I met-- 342 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,788 I had a pot pie in Vegas once, loaded with corn... 343 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,081 As Ray talked, 344 00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:47,877 I realized he wasn't spontaneous and unpredictable and thrilling. 345 00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,337 This is the old downtown... 346 00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:52,048 He was a guy with ADD. 347 00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,174 My mom used to drink... 348 00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:54,842 What kind of relationship could I have 349 00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:56,844 with a guy I couldn't even talk to? 350 00:18:57,011 --> 00:18:58,095 Flaky crust. 351 00:18:58,429 --> 00:18:59,847 I'd have to end it. 352 00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,849 You like pies? 353 00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:04,560 Ray? 354 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,563 Wanna play me? 355 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:09,690 Yeah. 356 00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:10,900 Eventually. 357 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:11,984 358 00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,492 Meanwhile, uptown... 359 00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:21,452 I was thinking. 360 00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:24,372 Charlotte gave Trey one more chance to ask her to move in. 361 00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:27,083 Ah, I'm just gonna say it. Ahem. 362 00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,086 Next time I'm hard, 363 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:33,005 would you consider measuring my John Thomas? 364 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,758 What? No! 365 00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:38,636 I understand, it's juvenile, I know. 366 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:41,347 But I've just never seen it like this. 367 00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:45,226 I'm taking a shower. 368 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:50,106 Charlotte was never a woman who cared much about penises 369 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,733 and now a penis was running her life. 370 00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:57,363 Forget it. 371 00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:05,871 As Charlotte lathered up, 372 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,290 she really started to get lathered up. 373 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,085 Who did he think he was? 374 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:14,004 He was her husband, and she was his wife. 375 00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:17,466 What the hell was going on in this Upper East Side nightmare? 376 00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,095 -Trey! -Oh. 377 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,973 I'm tired of being married to your penis! 378 00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,683 I am a person. 379 00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:27,768 This is supposed to be a relationship! 380 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:29,812 And I am done walking on eggshells! 381 00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:33,149 "Ooh, don't talk about moving in in front of the penis 382 00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:34,817 because it might go soft." 383 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,695 "The penis likes this," and "The penis doesn't like that!" 384 00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,197 And "The penis wants to be measured!" 385 00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:42,658 -It was just a thought. -Here's another thought! 386 00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:45,161 You can shove this marriage up your ass! 387 00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:46,370 Don't go. 388 00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:50,416 I'm going home to my own apartment, where I have a lease. 389 00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:54,503 I hope that you and your penis have a very lovely night! 390 00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:09,143 Meanwhile, Miranda was getting fed up as well... 391 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,519 with herself. 392 00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:40,216 Hi, it's me, leave a message. 393 00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:42,009 I know you're probably busy 394 00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:44,428 having mind-blowing sex right now, 395 00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:48,474 but I feel that you need to know, your good friend Miranda Hobbes 396 00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:51,435 has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage 397 00:21:51,602 --> 00:21:52,895 and eaten it. 398 00:21:53,229 --> 00:21:55,231 You'll probably need this information 399 00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:58,234 when you check me in to the Betty Crocker Clinic. 400 00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:16,669 That night Miranda realized 401 00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:20,297 she'd been using chocolate as a substitute for sex, 402 00:22:20,422 --> 00:22:23,050 and now she needed a substitute for chocolate. 403 00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:32,560 The strike was officially over. 404 00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:34,562 405 00:22:35,604 --> 00:22:37,022 That's perfect! 406 00:22:37,189 --> 00:22:38,607 Just when she thought she knew 407 00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:41,026 everything there was to know about women... 408 00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:42,278 409 00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:46,657 ...Samantha caused the very elusive 410 00:22:46,824 --> 00:22:48,409 female ejaculation. 411 00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:49,785 Was that good or bad? 412 00:22:49,952 --> 00:22:53,205 That was very good. 413 00:22:53,956 --> 00:22:56,959 Samantha got the relationship and the sex. 414 00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,796 In fact, a little more sex than she'd expected. 415 00:23:03,716 --> 00:23:05,134 I want some water. 416 00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:07,052 You want some water? 417 00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:09,805 Be right back. 418 00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:12,057 The next morning, I woke up with a new thought. 419 00:23:12,141 --> 00:23:14,059 Maybe Ray was like jazz. 420 00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:17,730 Instead of trying to make him be something else, I needed to let go, 421 00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:19,732 and appreciate him for what he was. 422 00:23:20,107 --> 00:23:22,318 Truly mind-blowing sex. 423 00:23:22,860 --> 00:23:24,236 424 00:23:24,528 --> 00:23:27,156 425 00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:39,126 Ray? 426 00:23:45,341 --> 00:23:47,009 But unfortunately, 427 00:23:47,092 --> 00:23:49,803 I got the feeling Ray had stopped playing me, 428 00:23:49,887 --> 00:23:52,264 and moved on to another instrument. 429 00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:03,776 Morning, ma'am. 430 00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:05,361 Morning. 431 00:24:07,488 --> 00:24:09,531 You, uh, left something at my... 432 00:24:11,951 --> 00:24:14,411 -At the apartment. -Oh. 433 00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:21,168 I want you to move back in, 434 00:24:21,710 --> 00:24:23,837 and get rid of this old apartment. 435 00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:27,049 And stay all night, every night. 436 00:24:27,591 --> 00:24:30,511 And wake up next to me every morning and be my wife. 437 00:24:32,930 --> 00:24:34,723 -You do? -Yeah. 438 00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:39,603 I talked it over with my penis and we both agree. 439 00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:44,024 I don't want to lose you again. 440 00:24:46,193 --> 00:24:48,988 Charlotte York MacDougal, 441 00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:51,991 will you remarry me? 442 00:24:52,783 --> 00:24:54,493 Yes, Trey MacDougal, 443 00:24:55,369 --> 00:24:56,870 I will remarry you. 444 00:25:16,807 --> 00:25:18,976 445 00:25:20,811 --> 00:25:24,273 Walking home from ADD, "another dating disaster, " 446 00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:27,860 I worried that there's a reason they call it "mind-blowing" sex. 447 00:25:27,943 --> 00:25:30,070 Maybe that kind of physical connection 448 00:25:30,154 --> 00:25:32,740 obliterates the chance of an intellectual one. 449 00:25:32,823 --> 00:25:35,951 Or maybe it's possible to find both. 450 00:25:36,493 --> 00:25:40,205 That's what I was hoping, because great sex is great, 451 00:25:40,289 --> 00:25:43,542 but I still like a song with a melody I can sing to. 452 00:25:55,345 --> 00:25:57,347